Take Off Your Running Shoes

The hairdresser jokes begin...!

It was only ever going to be a matter of time; thanks for this to Dalia...

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded, " Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha' doing when you get there?"

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser, "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .

"It was wonderful!" exclaimed the woman, "Not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said, "Where'd you get the awful haircut?"

Excellent hair day

Sarah comes over to cut everybody's hair.

"So Sarah," I say, "what'd you think about mousse? 'Cos I'm doing this experiment, going round all the Hendon hairdressers and all the Hendon hairdressers are huge on mousse. Usually followed by hairspray."

Sarah chuckles. "It's funny, I had someone come round the other day, and she needed her hair to last, and so I got out this old hair kit, and there was this big mousse in it, and I pulled it out to use, but then it just felt a bit sticky and artificial, and I ended up not using it. It feels a bit old-fashioned now."

I pass it on...

Then we had a great time dissecting Victoria Beckham's hair - the stuff money can't buy! hurrah for feeling superior...and all in all it was a great haircut.

Hendon Hair...again

"Years ago, when you went to the hairdressers' you really knew you'd been to the hairdresser's!" Karen is telling me with a sigh. This does not augur well. I'm having my hair dried by somebody who's been in the business longer than I've been born. "Oh,"she says with relish, "you'll never guess where I trained?" her face alert with the surprise of it. So I'm thinking, Vidal's on the West Coast maybe? Anyhow, no, she started in Temple Fortune (next suburb along) then went to Golders Green (ditto) for a bit, and for over twenty years she's been in Hendon. I'm at Lawrence's Hair Salon today, on Brent Street. Yes, I know I was going to spend the day in bed, but forgot I had assorted commitments (Chai Cancer Care for Reiki, picking up Nina and chums from last morning at school, so figure I'll get my hair done before tv appointment tonight.)

So, this is scary. Karen's been in hairdressing 46 years, most of that time in Hendon - very loyal clientele. I had decided to introduce some control into this experiment, so when I went into Lawrence's I took a friend's advice and said, "I just want a wash and blow-dry, but not too stiff you know - an under-blow-dry, if possible?" in my most assertive way.

Karen was on the desk. Other people told me there was no chance of an appointment at Lawrence's - one of only three of the more up-market hair salons in the proliferation around here ("Oh, today's lot, that's nothing," Karen told me, "used to be every second store was a hairdressers' in Hendon, those were the days, and some really top-market dress shops too - nothing like it is today. Still you can't stop change, can you?") - on a Thursday or Friday, but as it happens Karen has a space within the hour, which is fine.

"You can tell it's the school holidays, couldn't move in here this time last week - now it's empty," Karen says, so that explains the appointment.

This is the first salon in Hendon where I get asked, "one shampoo or two?" and answer, "uh, one?" and also get asked, "conditioner just at the ends or all the way through?" and say, "all the way through?" also with a question mark because these are questions I don't remember contemplating before.

It is the first time ever in any hairdresser's anywhere in the country that I come across this. The perfectly ordinary experience of the water first being scalding, then freezing, but the very first time the shampooist tells me, "I can't tell the difference between hot and cold, not my whole body, just my hands".

Anyhow, Karen doesn't make me look older, though the signs are not good. Within seconds we're discussing her cruise, she's going to the Meditteranean, and her own hair is pretty rigid and streaked in that way that means business, but she knows what I'm after. "I feel sorry for the young ones starting in business today, you just can't build up the same clientele. Hairdressing's changed, it's all more casual, everybody wants the natural look."

The hard as tacks thin round brush comes out, the mousse goes on ("I know you want natural, so I'm asking if you want mousse") and the tugging begins. But though it's still nothing like a Fourth Floor blowdry - where's the swing, where's the movement? - it's the best blowdry I've had in Hendon yet. Karen has a 77-year-old client who's having a double mastectomy tomorrow - in her time she's also never seen so much breast cancer as now, and she's seen many clients through the chemo baldness and subsequent regrowth. "Your hair's nice and thick, isn't it?" she'd said earlier, so I told her about losing it and it coming back. Most of her chemo clients come back with curly hair; I tell her my theory which is that mine came back straight as it was before because I never wore a wig - I think it's the wigs, and the tight covering of hair which causes the curls, not the chemo.

Karen doesn't ask about hairspray, just says she'll put some on, but it's not as stiff as the Polish version, my fingers do still go through my hair - progress.

£21.50. (Although I always leave £25.00, which is a bit illogical I guess, because the cheaper ones are getting the biggest tip. But the prices are all hovering round the £20 mark for a wash and blow-dry anyhow.)